


Nyctophilia

by Zei_Legato



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-04-13
Packaged: 2019-04-22 04:59:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14301315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zei_Legato/pseuds/Zei_Legato
Summary: "How I wish I could share this view with someone. It's too beautiful to miss."





	Nyctophilia

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the text tweets I randomly made.

For Kaoru, the night was a company. A company she would always eagerly wait for as she carried herself through the daylight. She didn’t hate the day—the night simply had a particular charm to it. It had the moon and stars if the skies were clear enough for her to enjoy the view and bask in the moonlight. Other times when she couldn’t see those, she simply loved the silence, the serenity.

 _Fleeting_ , she thought to herself.

The day was always too bright to her. It was _blinding_.

Tonight, she had the honor of seeing the moon and its lovely glimmering companions around it. The silence that came with them, combined with the occasional breeze that would caress her features gently, as if welcoming her, was all she needed to relax and smile up at the sky. A contented sigh escaped her lips as she rested her arms on the railing of her veranda. She let the silence linger for a little longer before she softly spoke to the night air, hoping that it would carry her words somewhere.

Somewhere...anywhere.

“How I wish I could share this view with someone. It’s too beautiful to miss.”

 _And oh so fleeting_.

She didn’t know—she would never know when she could see this again.

Perhaps a part of her wanted an answer from the night.

(But the rest of her didn’t want it.)

Kaoru couldn’t really tell—she was a mystery even to her own self. She was simply carrying out her role in life. A role whose goal was—according to the band she had joined and loved—to make the world smile; a delightful goal that would always bring a smile to her face every time she remembered it. But the rest of her was full of _plotholes_. She was a script with several pages missing and she knew that. She had acknowledged that fact along the way, though she had never known which pages, which parts, which scenes she was missing.

And she had made things up as a result.

But to be very honest, _none felt quite right_.

She’d allowed her thoughts to consume her in the dead of night, and if it weren’t for the buzzing of her phone on the bed, perhaps she’d have been swallowed whole. She raised an eyebrow in curiosity, wondering who it could be. She never got messages at this time of night—it was almost midnight, after all. That was why she could have all the silence she wanted. But for some reason, she had a strong urge to check her phone, abandoning the peaceful darkness outside.

And so she picked the device up.

Her eyes widened at the message preview displayed on the screen.

**[From: Chi-chan]**

**_I miss you._ **

She unlocked her phone swiftly as she sat down on her bed and tapped a reply immediately.

**[To: Chi-chan]**

**_Ah... little kitten, worry not, for I will always be in your heart._ **

She pressed send. Quite a night, this was. She wasn’t expecting a reply (as always, that was how she’d always been with Chisato) even though an uneasy feeling was slowly creeping in her chest.

She nearly jumped when her phone buzzed again.

**[From: Chi-chan]**

**_I really miss you._ **

It felt strange. The text was strange. But not in an off-putting way, it was simply unusual for someone like... _Chisato_. Kaoru mulled over her reply a bit this time, trying to find the _right words_ , but for one reason or another she couldn’t. She just couldn’t.

**[To: Chi-chan]**

**_... Little kitten?_ **

The uneasiness began gnawing at her being as she watched her own message this time, waiting for the little _Read_ that would appear above the timestamp. As soon as it showed up, she watched intently as the dots indicating that Chisato was typing her message appeared, their repeated movements increasing the speed of her heartbeat.

Once the message popped up, she took no time in reading through every word carefully.

**[From: Chi-chan]**

**_Do you know how it's like when you're right in front of me but at the same time, you're not quite there?_ **

Kaoru was frozen in place, her thumbs hovering over the keyboard.

She didn’t know what Chisato was talking about—she didn’t know how to reply. She wasn’t _sure_.

And to her surprise, the dots reappeared. They would disappear once or twice, and she could tell that Chisato was _thinking_. Kaoru’s eyebrows were pressed together—she felt like there would be a wrinkle between her eyebrows when morning came but she couldn’t care less.

Her grip tightened when the next message came.

**[From: Chi-chan]**

**_Do you know how it's like when I call you by your name but the one in front of me is just a "character" in a "stage play" that you've been playing since_ **

Kaoru held her breath as the dots kept moving.

**[From: Chi-chan]**

**_Since I don’t know when?_ **

The dots moved again but not for long, and her heart dropped when the next message arrived.

**[From: Chi-chan]**

**_Do you know, Kao-chan?_ **

Her shoulders drooped. They were so tense, and all the tension left her as she saw the nickname she hadn’t seen, let alone heard for a while.

Breeze blew through her open windows, and they felt like sharp little needles on her skin now. It was cold. It wasn’t welcoming her at all—it wasn’t whispering her comforting words anymore. It was ridiculing her.

She typed the only thing she could muster at the time, as her mind was completely devoid of words. Of _made-up_ words.

**[To: Chi-chan]**

**_... Chi-chan?_ **

It was read immediately.

The dots appeared, and she watched. She watched as it disappeared, reappeared, and disappeared again.

She waited for the dots to reappear. The clock’s hand kept on ticking, cold creeping up her back every second. One minute, two minutes, three...

On the fifteenth minute, her gaze left the screen as she realized that Chisato wouldn’t reply; that the dots wouldn’t appear anytime soon.

She tossed her phone to the far end of the bed as she ambled to close the windows, locking them tight in place. She didn’t want to face the night anymore right now.

* * *

 

Kaoru’s feet had somehow taken her to the front gates of Hanasakigawa. She greeted the fangirls that would come up to her, the ‘little kittens’ that would swoon at each and every word she said. She couldn’t say she disliked the attention (in fact, it might’ve relieved her nerves a little), but she really needed to find someone in the crowd right now and the girls were obstructing her vision a bit. Though she silently thanked God that she was tall enough to be able to keep her eyes for a certain striking blonde.

True enough, she found Chisato right away, cheerfully talking with Aya and Kanon by her side.

Kaoru took no time in excusing herself to the crowd of girls she’d gathered (sometimes she swore they just multiplied themselves) and strolled over to her childhood friend. Chisato noticed her immediately—Kaoru was just _so_ tall and there was no way she could miss the purple hair she’d grown familiar with over the years. Kaoru slowed down a little, keeping her distance when she saw the eye twitch Chisato did the moment their eyes met.

The taller girl motioned for Chisato to follow her, words lost in her throat when she felt the air growing thick between them. The blonde hesitated for a while, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to shrug Kaoru off this time around. They weren’t just texting. And even if she usually could shrug her off in person, Kaoru didn’t look like she would budge anytime soon if Chisato didn’t follow.

Chisato let out an exasperated sigh as she gave her two close friends an apologetic look and followed Kaoru’s lead.

* * *

 

Chisato was fairly surprised that Kaoru had taken her to the small hill they used to go to together when they were little. It was surrounded by a lot of trees and nobody else had ever discovered the place. It had a decent view of the town and they could see the sunset best from that very spot. She would practice her dialogues there, with Kaoru watching her eagerly. Kaoru would give her the biggest applause once she was done ( _“You’re the best, Chi-chan! That was so cool!”_ ) and then they would always play together until evening came.

It was a meaningful place for the two of them.

“So...”

Kaoru’s voice broke the silence, and Chisato jerked her head to look up at Kaoru’s back.

“...about last night,” Kaoru left the sentence hanging—she didn’t know which words to pick. She wasn’t really prepared for this.

And Chisato felt it. The beat had been there for too long.

She knew Kaoru was trying to _make up_ words again. Her eyebrows furrowed at this feeling and she shook her head, “Just forget it.”

Kaoru turned around to face her so fast that Chisato was a bit taken aback at the reaction. Her red irises were observing anything but Chisato as she spoke again, her voice just a bit above a whisper, “No, I won’t. I can’t just let a maiden feel so troubled. I’m here to keep you safe, and—“

“—Just forget it, okay?” Chisato cut her off, eyes tightly shut. She took a deep breath and turned her back against Kaoru, “I wasn’t even talking to _you_.”

Kaoru could only stand there as she watched Chisato’s small back disappearing into the distance, the sound of hurried footsteps muffled by the shuffling of the trees’ leaves as cold wind blew against them.

And she couldn’t catch the quiet sobs that followed the footsteps.

* * *

 

Several days had passed, and Kaoru had found herself at a dead end.

Chisato had been ignoring her texts (she would usually leave them on read at the very least) and she just couldn’t bring herself to press the call button. She didn’t want to hear the call rejected tune. She just knew it would be a bad idea—she was already crumbling little by little as things were, and she didn’t need more bad choices.

She stopped by at the family restaurant where Kanon and Aya worked part-time as a last resort after school ended. She’d asked them how Chisato was doing, occasionally throwing sweet words at the two, and all she heard were “she’s doing good”, “she’s been going home earlier from practice to read her new script over”, “looks like it’ll be a great drama series because she’s working so hard on it”, and “she looks kind of tired though...”. She’d only noted the ‘been going home earlier’ and ‘looks kind of tired’ parts as she ordered a medium-sized fries (which she had been trying to finish—seriously, it was just _medium-sized_ ) with a cold soft drink and found herself a comfortable seat.

She thought back to the days that have passed. She was so glad she’d managed to go through her own band practices smoothly—perhaps she’d been able to push the thoughts to the back of her head as music blasted in her ears and her fingers strummed the guitar’s strings. The effect music had on her was amazing, but she knew it wouldn’t last long with this whole thing bugging her.

It was _Chisato_ , after all.

“Kaoru-san?”

Kaoru looked up at the familiar voice calling out to her, fries still stuck between her lips.

Misaki stared at her dumbly, hands tucked inside the pocket of her favorite hoodie.

Kaoru chewed the rest of the fries and took a sip of her drink before giving Misaki her trademark smirk, “Hello there, little kitten.”

“Right, hi,” Misaki scrunched up her nose at the nickname and rolled her eyes as she tapped the empty seat across Kaoru’s, “Can I have this seat? I’m gonna order something first though.”

“Of course,” Kaoru winked, “Perhaps fate has been reserving the seat for you this whole time.”

Although Misaki let out a grunt of annoyance, she murmured a ‘thanks’ under her breath as she made her way to order her food. Kaoru’s eyes curiously followed her and her lips tugged up in a knowing smile when Kanon beamed the brightest at that customer of hers. She loved observing them—she loved catching the stolen glances, the stares that would linger for a little _too_ long, and the smiles that would look a little _too_ wide. She loved them all.

When Misaki returned with a tray of cheeseburger and cold soft drink just like Kaoru’s, the older girl spoke as her grin grew wider with every word, “Here for the food or the princess?”

Misaki deadpanned at her, “You’re really not wasting any time in making me regret my choice of taking this seat.”

“My apologies, little kitten,” Kaoru chuckled wholeheartedly, “So? Your answer?”

Misaki shrugged as she took a sip of her drink (Kaoru didn’t miss the hints of red on her ears though), “It’s comfy here. Just that.”

The purple-haired senior nodded slowly, hand under her chin thoughtfully, “Understandable. It’s a ‘family restaurant’ for a reason, no?”

“I guess,” Misaki raised her eyebrows, taking the cheeseburger in her hands, “So what are _you_ doing here? Pretty sure you’re more of a cafe person.”

“Appreciating the princesses’ beauty,” Kaoru winked, gesturing at the two part-time cashiers.

Misaki shot her a glare as she took a bite of her food.

“I kid,” Kaoru chuckled at the younger’s attempt at looking intimidating, “I suppose you could say... I’m in quite a predicament at the moment.”

Misaki raised an eyebrow in interest, encouraging Kaoru to continue as she took another bite—she’d been kind of craving for a cheeseburger today.

Kaoru was hesitating—even she realized she normally wouldn’t do this. She knew Misaki would be okay with it if she’d just dropped the topic because she didn’t really want to bring it up but something... _something_ just made her feel like she could tell her. Like she could just _trust_ those patient silver eyes waiting for either further explanation, or a simple ‘but I don’t want to talk about it’.

And she went with the former.

All acts dropped; she was just _Seta Kaoru_ , speaking to _Okusawa Misaki_ now.

“It’s Chisato,” Kaoru said with an uncharacteristically loud sigh, “She’s been ignoring me for the past few days.”

Misaki, being the equally keen observer she was, replied, “Doesn’t she usually give you the cold shoulder?”

“ _Ignoring_ me,” the red-eyed girl put an emphasis on that particular word, because this wasn’t just a cold shoulder. It was full-out silent treatment.

“...Right,” Misaki took a smaller bite now, eyebrows pressed together as she swallowed the food, “I don’t know her all that much, actually. Only heard big details from Kanon-san.”

Kaoru nodded in understanding, “Well, we were close when we were little. I really admired the way she shone. And I still do... even though I can only do so from afar.”

“Wait, am I missing something here?” Misaki frowned harder, “You just gravitate towards her whenever she’s around, Kaoru-san. That’s not ‘ _from afar_ ’.”

“You’re missing something indeed,” Kaoru chuckled, “Who wouldn’t approach such a strong presence?”

Misaki pointed at herself silently.

“Shy little kitten,” Kaoru smirked as she heard Misaki’s grunt, “Anyways, you see, my words are nothing but dialogues I’ve made in my head.”

The black-haired girl continued eating, nodding at Kaoru’s confession as if it were just something she didn’t even need to hear straight from Kaoru herself.

“But I assure you, my compliments are from the deepest part of my heart,” Kaoru winked for the umpteenth time—Misaki was just unfazed at this point, “Yet I seem to have nothing but a blank page whenever I try to directly speak to her for the past few days.”

“You’re relying on that ‘ _script_ ’ of yours too much, don’t you think?” Misaki finished the last bit of her cheeseburger after she thought out loud.

“...Pardon me?” Kaoru’s eyebrows rose in question.

Blinking in confusion, Misaki nearly choked on her drink as realization hit her, “Crap, I said that out loud didn’t I?”

“You did,” Kaoru pointed out, “Now what was it again?”

“Uh, you know...” Misaki gestured with her hands—she couldn’t get away with the way Kaoru’s eyes were boring into her entire being (they were _really_ pretty, Misaki just realized), “...dialogues, scripts, a blank page...you’re treating everything like some stage play. You’ve only been _acting_. You get me?”

Kaoru nodded slowly, “I’ve...told her that I wanted to stand on the same stage as her one day. That I wanted to...be her partner...”

Misaki smiled wryly, “You wanna prove it to her, right?”

Kaoru fell silent as she simply stared at Misaki, silently urging her to continue.

And so Misaki did, “Don’t you think she can see right through you? Because she’s really experienced in the world of acting and I’m sure she knows when people start putting on an act, especially since you guys are childhood friends.”

A crooked smile made its way up her lips—Kaoru had known it all along; that she was merely acting, that she was only following the script she’d rehearsed so many times before, and that she was only putting on a role she had assigned herself in her head.

 _She just didn’t want to admit it_.

Misaki took a deep breath and placed a hand on Kaoru’s shoulder, “Maybe...just maybe...stop pretending around her, Kaoru-san?”

It didn’t take long for Kaoru to stuff the rest of her fries into her mouth ( _medium-sized, they said!_ ). She chugged her drink before taking her phone from her bag, thumbs quickly tapping on the screen—Misaki was just stunned at the amount of things happening at once before her.

“Thank you, little kitten,” Kaoru’s voice regained the confidence it had lost somewhere along their conversation, “I must see _her_ now.”

“...Yeah, sure...” Misaki blinked rapidly as Kaoru took her hand in hers.

“Fate really did reserve this seat for you,” she pecked the back of Misaki’s hand before storming outside.

Snapping out of her trance, Misaki shook her head and made a mental note to charge Kaoru for relationship advices next time.

* * *

 

Kaoru treaded the familiar road confidently—the sky had gone dark by the time she left the restaurant, but she could still make out the way thanks to the town’s lights. They weren’t too bright, but just enough to light up the path to her destination. She hugged her coat closer to her body as cold breeze blew past her—it seemed like the night still couldn’t forgive her even though she was going to fix things right now. She wasn’t backing down, though. The night’s prickling cold had nothing on her newfound determination.

She reached the top of the hill and smiled slightly at the silhouette she’d gotten familiar with.

Because it was the exact silhouette that had left her here alone that day, and the scene had never stopped playing in her head ever since.

“... You’re _unbelievable_ ,” Chisato hissed, hands in the pocket of her own coat—she looked so small in it.

“You had the choice of not coming,” Kaoru trudged closer, smile not leaving her face.

Stopping next to the petite girl, Kaoru let out a sigh, the smoke of her breath puffing in the air for a moment before disappearing. She looked up at the moon and the stars—they were glaring at her, she could feel. She’d love to find comfort in the town’s lights because the sky was being mean to her...but comfort wasn’t what she needed right now. She needed to let herself go with the flow. Even if the night wasn’t kind anymore.

Seeing as the taller girl was staying quiet, Chisato didn’t want to mince words—not under this temperature, “What is it this time?”

“Look at the sky,” Kaoru’s smile grew a little bigger—maybe the sky was looking at Chisato gently, and she would love the night to embrace her maiden with a welcoming sight, “It’s beautiful.”

Chisato turned to face Kaoru with a frown on her features, though she hesitantly looked up as she was told because the eyes she was looking for were focused upwards. Chisato couldn’t help but admire the beauty of the twinkling stars, aligned so perfectly on the dark blanket. Not even the town lights could hinder how brightly they shone. The full moon, gently shining above their heads, graced them with its presence in the cloudless night.

The view was _breathtaking_.

“I’ve always loved the night,” Kaoru spoke softly, as if she could break something with that voice of hers.

And Chisato listened.

“The silence, the chilly breeze, I love them,” Kaoru continued, “...and it heard my prayers.”

“Prayers?” Chisato echoed.

“I told the night that I wished to share this view with someone,” Kaoru glanced at Chisato, “I wish our circumstances were better, though.”

“Do you think I’ll forgive you with this?” Chisato spoke harshly—she wasn’t letting her guard down. It was many years’ worth of pain, and she wouldn’t let Kaoru wave it off so casually.

“Forgiveness isn’t what I’m looking for,” Kaoru chuckled dryly, “I just want to be... honest.”

Chisato darted her eyes towards Kaoru’s, only to find them averting hers yet again.

“All this time, I’ve only been going through life by making scripts in my head, reciting them every chance I can get so I can ‘ _perform_ ’ flawlessly,” Kaoru sighed, “This world has always been a big stage play for me.”

Chisato stayed quiet, listening to Kaoru’s occasional sighs.

The silence was...different. Kaoru wasn’t making up words in her head. Kaoru wasn’t writing another dialogue in her head. Kaoru wasn’t trying to play her _character_.

Kaoru was pouring her heart out.

To her.

“I want to stand by your side on the stage someday, remember?” Chisato could hear the smile in Kaoru’s voice, “I’ve always admired you so. So I thought to myself, ‘ _why don’t I just make my world a stage play so I can be by her side at all times?’_ and began creating this... _character_ you told me of.”

Suddenly the night wasn’t so cold anymore.

“And ever since then, nothing felt right,” Kaoru murmured, “No matter how many words I made up, no matter how many scenes I’d played without failure...nothing felt _right_. But instead of trying to find out _why_ , I simply created more and more dialogues to get everything back under my control...”

“To escape,” Chisato muttered.

“To escape,” Kaoru repeated as her smile softened, “Indeed. I’ve been missing something. It’s only around you that I feel like I’m missing something. Not the pages, not the words... And you made me realize it after that night.”

“...What is it that you’re missing?” Chisato asked, voice trembling slightly and she prayed that the cold could mask the hope in it.

Kaoru took a deep breath, eyes staring longingly at the moon.

“Myself.”

Chisato turned to fully face Kaoru, admiring the sight before her. She had always acknowledged that the taller girl was naturally very beautiful, but none of those moments she’d seen Kaoru could beat this—when Kaoru was just... finally being herself. How Chisato would love to take pictures of her right now to keep the moment forever—then again, a mere camera wouldn’t do Kaoru any justice.

She felt a smile on her lips—they were dry because of the cold air and it hurt a little to smile, but she couldn’t stop herself.

“Oh and when I went up the hill and saw you here, back against the moon,” Kaoru finally pried her eyes away from the sky and let her gaze fall to purple irises staring at her. She was mesmerized, because the way the moonlight was framing Chisato’s features was ethereal. She just blurted out what she had on the tip of her tongue, “...You looked _so_ pretty.”

Chisato was taken aback by the abrupt compliment, heat rushing up her cheeks.

But the butterflies were tickling her stomach.

So she broke into a fit of giggles. And soon it turned into a fit of laughter. Her tears had started flowing and she couldn’t even tell what kind of tears they were—she was a bundle of emotions.

Kaoru was baffled at the reaction—as much as she loved the sound of Chisato’s laughter, she almost thought she’d said something wrong, or maybe _stupid_. But she stood there and waited until the laughter subsided, a little smile on her face when she noticed that Chisato was laughing for a _good_ reason.

“I’ve missed you, Kao-chan,” Chisato looked back up at Kaoru’s eyes after wiping the stray tears off her face.

“Good to see you again, Chi-chan,” Kaoru grinned.

Neither of them noticed their close proximity—maybe Misaki was right, Kaoru just naturally gravitated towards Chisato whenever she was around. Chisato had to crane her neck up a bit to look at Kaoru in the eyes—it made her look so much more _stunning_ from Kaoru’s vision, and when she opened her mouth, her voice was just barely above a whisper, “... Never change.”

“Never will,” Kaoru whispered back, feeling Chisato’s uneven breaths on her face.

Chisato’s eyes closed shut as she leaned her face forwards, prompting Kaoru to lean closer until their lips were only a few inches apart, her hands on Chisato’s waist.

Then Chisato grabbed the back of her neck, brought her head lower and whispered into her ear instead.

“Don’t think it’ll be as smooth as what’s written in the books, Kao-chan.”

Kaoru was about to retort (she wouldn’t be able to say much anyways because Chisato’s hot breath was _too_ distracting) but stopped when she felt two fingers press against her lips. The blonde brought them to her own lips right after, smiling mischievously the whole time.

“... Oh my _god_ ,” Kaoru murmured, face turning into the same shade as her eyes as her knees failed her.

“This’ll suffice for now,” Chisato chuckled as she walked off into the darkness.

The night did more than answer Kaoru’s prayers, it would seem.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for sticking until the end! Feel free to follow me on twitter -> @/Hachuumemhoe


End file.
